Lettuce Recall Said To Be Master Plan Of Mysterious Super Villain
Packaged and pre-mixed salad has always seemed too good to be true. So Comedy Central Taste Bud wasn’t too surprised when it was revealed that these plastic bags of healthy fun contained dangerous sickness inducing bacteria.
Experts claim the outbreak was caused by contamination but exactly how this occurred is unknown. But now, in this exclusive scoop, Taste Bud can confirm the recall is said to be the final part in the master plan of a mysterious super villain who calls himself: El Tomato.
Earlier today, Comedy Central received a letter from Mr. Tomato along with a photo (see above) which stated the following:
This is my lifes work. I have finally achieved my goal of bringing society to its knees through contaminating a very specific product used by the lazy and overworked. We’ve had it too good for too long… We see it now on the news… people scrambling to get home 10 minutes early to wash and chop whole heads of lettuce, cabbage and bunches of kale. I never thought this would work so well. Every time I would go shopping I would see the weak willed students, parents and yuppies over paying for bags of lettuce and salad mix. But now they must all buy their leafy greens and prepare salad like the rest of us.
Here at Taste Bud we understand time is finite and sometimes it's just not worth wasting perfectly good time and energy chopping rabbit food. Unfortunatly for now, El Tomato seems to have won. But look on the bright side... you can now just skip straight to dessert.
Win Tickets To Jim Jefferies' Aussie Tour PLUS Meet The Man Himself!
Attention die-hard Jim Jefferies fans: Here's how you can meet old mate...
Check Out The Star-Spangled Stand-Up Tour Coming to Sydney and Melbourne!
Want 2 for 1 tickets to some of America’s freshest talent touring Oz?
Win A Comedy Central Snack Box To Celebrate 420!
To celebrate the 20th of April, we’ve created a snack box like no other.
Yippee Ki-Roast, Mother F@$%ers! Bruce Willis Is Comedy Central's Next Roastee!
“This ain’t the first time I’ll be tied to a chair and held hostage by a group of humorless assholes for a couple hours,” - B. Willis.
Celebrate Pi Day By Winning Tickets To Jonathan Pie's Live Show!
It's a day to celebrate pi, eat lots of pie, and win tickets to Jonathan Pie! You're welcome.
Tell Us Your Most Extreme Fast Food Combo & Win Tickets To Jim Gaffigan's Live Stand Up Show!
What's the craziest junk food combination you can think of? Get creative and you could win a double pass to his latest show!
Comedy Central is Bringing Back the Ultimate Comedy Festival: Clusterfest
The three day festival of comedy, music, installations that is the ultimate Clusterfu-fest...
12 Questions With Guy Williams
NZ Comedian Guy Williams loves (and hates) being interviewed... here are some more thoughts from him on that very topic.
12 Questions With Rose Matafeo
Ahead of our festival in NZ, we asked Rose Matafeo some questions about comedy, comedy and comedy...
11 Questions with Guy Montgomery
Curious about the life of a comedian? Here are 11 questions we asked to get some insights ahead of our festival across NZ!
Guess Jimmy Carr’s One Liners and Win Tickets to his Live Stand Up Show!
How well do you know Jimmy Carr’s comedy? Find out and you could win a double pass to his latest show!
NZ is Getting A Summer Comedy Festival...
Hold on to your jaws… Comedy Central is presenting a comedy festival In New Zealand across four big nights.