Some Of The Burns From The Roast of Rob Lowe… Jimmy Carr Tells Ann Coulter To Kill Herself
The Roast of Rob Lowe was filmed on the weekend, and we have some of the sweet burns dropped during the show but surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) they seemed to be all about Ann Coulter. Keep reading and probably don’t expect all of the following to make the final cut. Oh, and Jeff Ross dressed as Prince.
Given it’s all about the burns, here’s an easy to digest breakdown of Coulter jokes, followed by Lowe jokes:
Ann Coulter (Because even though it was The Roast of Rob Lowe, she was the worst person there.)
To kick things off, here’s what Pete Davidson from Saturday Night Live had to say: “If you are here, Ann, who is scaring the crows away from our crops?” Other Davidson burns included: “Ann describes herself as a polemicist but most people call her a c---… a racist c---” Davidson continued: "Ann Coulter and no black people? What are we roasting? A cross?"
A particularly heavy snipe came from David Spade: "It looks like she’s having a good time. I haven’t seen her laugh this hard since Trayvon Martin got shot." Spade also had this to say: "She seems stiff and conservative, but Ann gets wild in the sheets. Just ask the Klan".
Comedy Central fav babe Nikki Glaser called Coulter “a real-life super villain,” Glaser also dropped this little number: "God, it’s white up here. It’s the only way we could get Ann Coulter, though." She continued "Ann Coulter has written 11 books, 12 if you include Mein Kampf." and "Ann, you are awful. The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave."
Jeff Ross also delivered the goods: "Ann Coulter wants to help Trump make America great again. You can start by wearing a burka. You have a face that would make doves cry," Ross (dressed as Prince, which we know, we alreadt mentioned.) continued: "That voice, it's like fingernails on a chalkboard in an inner-city school you wanna defund," and also marinated this little number: "Ann's against gay marriage. What's your thinking on that? If I can't get a husband they shouldn't, either?"
"Ann Coulter wants to help Trump make America great again. You can start by wearing a burka. You have a face that would make doves cry." - Jeff Ross
Singer (see: not comedian) Jewel chimed in as well: "I do want to say as a feminist that I can’t support everything that’s been said tonight. But as someone who hates Ann Coulter, I’m delighted." And also quipped: "Jeff Ross is going to party like it’s 1999. Ann Coulter is going to vote like it’s 1899."
As for Peyton Manning? "I’m not the only athlete up here. As you know earlier this year, Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby." And to add to the fire, Rob Riggle had this to say: "If Ann Coulter is here, someone must have said her name three times. Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"
The one that took-the-cake (?) however had to be from Jimmy Carr:
"Ann is one of the most repugnant, hateful, hatchet-face bitches alive. It’s not too late to change, Ann. You could kill yourself." – Jimmy Carr
When Coulter’s turn came, she did have this to say: "I'd like to welcome everyone to the Ann Coulter roast with Rob Lowe," and continued "I’m only here for all the love and respect I have for Rob Lowe and all of the talented performers tonight… it has nothing to do with the book I published four days ago."
Coulter did have a go at some of the Roasters “Why is Jeff Ross at every roast?... He thinks he deserves it; everybody else just goes along with it. He’s like Hillary Clinton.”
But Rob Lowe’s take on Ann (and her rebuttle?) was this: “After seeing your set tonight, we’ve seen the first bombing you can’t blame on a Muslim.”
The Actual Roasts of Rob Lowe
And what about Rob Lowe? Of course, he wasn’t spared with the Roasters covering everything from his sex tape with a 16-year-old girl to… well mainly that.
Nikki Glaser dropped these two sweet (16) burns "Rob Lowe defies age … restrictions. You look like you are sculpted. You put the statue in statutory rape." and "I had such a crush on Rob as a little girl. If only I knew that’s when I would have had my best shot."
David Spade's contribution: “Rob was in the movie The Outsiders back in the day… his character was Sodapop because he was 98 per cent coke”.
Lowe of course had this to say about that, “David, I loved you in 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter. I have one simple rule, don’t videotape it,” he said.
"Rob Lowe defies age … restrictions. You look like you are sculpted. You put the statue in statutory rape." - Nikki Glaser
Jeff Ross laid into Lowe real hard "Rob Lowe. Or as the girls in the sex tape said, ‘Rob, no." "Truly Rob, roasting you wasn’t easy. What can I say that hasn’t been said in court by three nannies, a chef, and an underage girl from Atlanta?"
Jewel (see: not comedian) used her musical talents to bring the burn by singing a song as the 16-year-old in the tape. “I’m the best thing Rob Lowe was ever in,”
Peyton Manning took aim at Lowe's acting and had this to add “Rob Lowe, the only thing you are consistently on is Twitter, which is surprising because you have never been able to master one character, let alone 140,” said Manning.
Rob Lowe’s thoughts on having Coulter (a person he didn't know, and probably - like all people - doesn't actually like.) were interesting: "I think the best daises are the daises that have people where you’re like what the (expletive)? You need every flavour to make these things go right and cut them all together for a show,"
And his feelings about the Roast in general? "If you’re in the NFL, hit hard. This is the NFL, you’re here to hit. There are other places to do soft jokes … if you’re on the Comedy Central Roast, you better bring your A-game."
Oh and people also made jokes about Pete Davidson's dad dying on 9/11... ooft.
The Roast of Rob Lowe will air in Australia on our FetchTV channel 108 on the 6th of September at 10pm and September 7 in NZ on Sky channel 11 at 8:30pm.
You can follow the sizzle with your fat fingers in the Twitter trough on #LoweRoast
Suicide prevention support and information is available from Lifeline at 131 114.
Watch Rob Lowe introduce himself right here:
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