12 Ultimate Burns from The Roast of Rob Lowe
The Roast of Rob Lowe is airing on Comedy Central this weekend, and a lot has been said already about how it went and who got burned the most (it was Ann Coulter.) But in anticipation for it, here are 12 crackers we thought you’d enjoy:
1. Pete Davidson: "Rob Lowe, or as gonorrhoea doctors call him, Patient Zero."
2. Jimmy Carr: "Rob has been involved with four lawsuits with former nannies. He’s the only person I know who books a babysitter for a night in. But seriously, Rob says he didn’t (have sex) with those nannies, and I believe him, because he’s either telling the truth, or he’s the best actor in the world."
"In the '80s Rob was a member of the Brat Pack. Or as they're now collectively known, the C-List."
3. Nikki Glaser: "Rob defies age… restrictions. Really, you’re a (expletive) Adonis, I hate you. You look like you’re sculpted. You put the ‘statue’ in ‘statutory rape.’ God, I had such a crush on you when I was a little girl. If only I’d known that’s when I had my best shot."
4. Jeff Ross: "Is it true that you're deaf in one ear? That could be a real problem sometimes, because you can’t hear the girl’s parents coming home."
5. David Spade: "It's not easy being Rob. He said being so handsome made it difficult for him to find meaningful roles. I wanted to ask Brad Pitt about that, but he was too busy acting in meaningful roles."
"Rob Lowe, or as gonorrhoea doctors call him, Patient Zero.
6. Jeff Ross: "The truth is, Rob, roasting you wasn't easy. I mean, what can I really say about you that hasn't already been said in court by three nannies, a chef and an underage girl from Atlanta?"
7. David Spade: “For years Rob Lowe had a sex addiction. But he cured by getting less famous."
8. David Spade: "It's not easy being Rob. He said being so handsome made it difficult for him to find meaningful roles. I wanted to ask Brad Pitt about that, but he was too busy acting in meaningful roles."
9. David Spade: "Rob looks great for his age. Many people have wondered if he's had any plastic surgery. Those same people have wondered if Caitlyn Jenner has had any plastic surgery."
10. David Spade: "Rob came up at a time when a sex tape could really ruin your career. But Rob had to do it the hard way: with his acting."
11. Jimmy Carr: "In the '80s Rob was a member of the Brat Pack. Or as they're now collectively known, the C-List."
12. This last one is actually a sweet little number from Rob Lowe to Jewel: “After listening to your last album, I think you should go back to sleeping in your car with the engine running and the garage door closed.”
The Roast of Rob Lowe will air in Australia on our FetchTV channel 108 on the 6th of September at 10pm and September 7 in NZ on Sky channel 11 at 8:30pm.
You can follow the sizzle with your fat fingers in the Twitter trough on #LoweRoast, check out another burn by Pete Davidson in this exclusive clip:
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