Which Doctor Is Right For You? A Medical Doctor, a Witch Doctor, a PhD or Doctor Who?
Many of us assume all doctors are the same, but they’re not. One of our reporters recently found this out the hard way and inadvertently found themselves responsible for a very untimely death. But out of death comes an online comedy article that will have you aware of your MDs, Profs and Drs like you’re the Dean of Medicine at Kale.
Medical Doctors: Also known as real doctors, medical doctors are trained professionals in the art of Western Medicine. In this day and age, you’ll stumble upon people who feel Medical Doctors don’t really know what they’re talking about but for the most part, Doctors know exactly what they’re talking about and should be listened to.
Witch Doctors: Witch Doctors were originally healers who treated conditions said to be caused by witchcraft. Given that witches aren’t real it’s safe to assume that the overwhelming majority of witch doctors are completely full of shit. Do not trust them. The modern day witch doctor however would occasionally be considered a homeopath, chiropractor or faith healer. Some would argue that the practices of these people work, but we can assure you, they probably don’t.
PhD: A PhD, otherwise known as a Doctorate of Philosophy is a title awarded by a university to a person who generally undertakes a thesis or dissertation in a chosen field of study. The title of Doctor is awarded but this is a purely academic. What does that mean exactly? Look it up you nerd. Just don’t go see a PhD about a broken leg.
Doctor Who?: Exactly, because the answer is no one real. Doctor Who is a fictional character from a TV show we don’t recommend you watch because we are Comedy Central. Seriously though, Doctor Who is not a real person and even if you did want a Doctor to treat your condition, lift a spell or write you a thesis you would be hard pressed to find the actual Doctor Who. The best-case scenario is you find an actor who has played him. But what use is an actor…
So there you have it, a somewhat rudimentary explanation of which Doctor is Witch and what Doctor is Who.
Disclaimer: Comedy Central does not recommend you treat any of the above advice as based in any sort of reality. If you have a genuine medical condition, seek out the help of a trained professional. Unless of course your condition is “jerk” in which case, no one can help you… you jerk.
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