Ghost of Dead Gorilla Is Loving Unlimited Bananas In Gorilla Heaven
The ghost of Harambe, the 17-year-old western lowland gorilla from Cincinnati Zoo, has appeared before reporters to make a statement regarding its new “life”. Many people are outraged after the animal was shot and killed by zoo officials after a toddler fell into its habitat. However, it appears Harambe is now living it up in the afterlife...
The spectre of the Gorilla claims that despite it’s death, it is now in Gorilla heaven, enjoying unlimited bananas. Gorilla heaven is a special version of heaven exclusive to Gorillas. Aside from unlimited bananas, there’s plenty of space to do tumbles, spin in a circle and play Donkey Kong.
The ghost appeared very briefly and could speak fluent English (Gorilla heaven grants super intelligence to all Gorilla’s who end up there.) Harambe had the following to say:
“It’s pretty great, I ate 500,000 bananas yesterday. You never get tired of them because my ghost stomach just tells my ghost brain that I can eat another one. I’m glad that boy is safe by the way; I probably would have done the same. I was a wild animal on earth and as much as you should respect and love the majestic creatures we are…all it would have taken was a single second to kill that kid. That would have really sucked… especially since human heaven doesn’t exist.”
Some now wonder if other creatures have their own heaven. For example, does snail heaven exist? And if so, are snails faster in it or is everything just done so slow that it makes being slow normal and great?
The existence of Gorilla heaven has also raised the question of what Gorilla hell would be like, but when asked about this, Harambe began to disappear into nothingness waving goodbye to the mortals who were dying to hear more about Gorilla heaven.
Comedy Central Australia is tearing it up with some sweet good times. Check out a sketch from our first ever Aussie local commission – Aunty Donna:
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