Dressing Up For Your Drivers Licence with Ray Badran
Anytime anyone shows you their driver’s licence or passport they always say something along the lines of, ‘oh don’t look at the photo, I look like a criminal in that photo!’ and it’s a given that said photo was an injustice. After all, it’s common knowledge that you only ever get one chance every few years to rectify these administrative mug shots that no one really cares about.
Despite this, when we find ourselves in the situation of getting said photos, we make an effort to limit the impact. I lose my wallet often., usually on a three or four month basis. So one day I decided that instead of trying to get a nice photo (they’re always capped at a 4/10 anyways), I would dress up each time as a life hack to resolve the issue of a bad licence photo.
I lost my wallet 3 times in 2016, this article is catalogue of the subsequent photos I devised for each new licence. But first, just so you have an idea of what I actually look like, here is a photo of me a few weeks ago:
The Pablo Escobar
The Pablo Escobar (which was for my first replacement.) required me to grow a moustache, wear a full tuxedo and head down to the Service NSW centre in Bondi junction in said costume.
After this photo, most people would see my drivers license and have a giggle but not realise that I had to wear a full tuxedo to the Service Centre. See, you can’t just wear regular clothes and have a bowtie on the top. You have to commit to the character.
Upon entrance to the service centre, one of the customer service representatives recognised me from a stand-up gig the weekend before (an event that rarely happens), and luckily they were cool and didn’t quiz me on my attire.
The Arms Dealer
Two months later I lost my license again. Two months! I usually don’t bother reporting it because it more often than not turns up under the couch or in the pockets of discarded pants.
This photo was more spur of the moment, I’d been sitting at home bored and thought: today is the day, today I will get a new license. But I had no costume or facial hair. I was worried I couldn’t do much with my look, then I remembered that two years prior I had to host a Movember charity night. Having forgotten about the gig, I shaved off my moustache. Luckily my partner told me to draw one on with mascara, which is what I did then and what I did for this one.
Whilst waiting for the photo, the mascara started to run, and if you zoom in on the photo you can see how uneven parts of my goatee are.
The French Art Thief
This one is my favourite and on my current licene. I got it at the end of last year and once again used the mascara trick to draw on a moustache. I bought a turtle neck jumper and went into the Service Centre.
Apart from obvious reasons, it looked quite strange because it was a thirty-six-degree day and while everyone else was in shorts and t-shirts, I was in a turtle neck jumper and pants (you can’t really wear turtle neck jumpers with shorts). I also bumped into friend of a friend, who seemed quite confused and quite embarrassed to know me.
I’m in London at the moment but I get back later in the year and predict that by then I will have lost my wallet again.
Ray Badran is a comedian, follow his good time here.
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