Human People

Depp Denies Smuggling Dogs: “The Man You’re Looking For Is Captain Jack Sparrow”

Johnny Depp has appeared as a witness in Southport Magistrates Court but has denied any wrong doing because he believes he’s not the man they need to question.

Monday, April 18, 2016 - 13:09

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In a bizarre testimony, Johnny Depp has stated that the man they should have summoned is in fact Captain Jack Sparrow. Depp stated:

“My wife falsified documents to smuggle her two dogs into Australia last year… but I was not there… I did not exist at the time. The man you need to speak with is Captain Jack Sparrow, of whose whereabouts I am not aware of.”

Surprisingly Magistrate Bernadette Callaghan (who is a supposed fan of the actor) was reported as mumbling under his breath “fair enough…” upon hearing Depp’s comments.

After the hearing, Depp was questioned about why he left his wife high and dry and did not support her while on the stand. The actor had this to say…

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“I’m 100% supportive of my wife. It’s that blundering alcoholic scally wag Sparrow who should have known better than to tempt her to the exotic lands of the southern hemisphere… it was his manipulation that got her in that situation. I had no knowledge of any of these events until after my reincarnation into this reality last year… around the same time we wrapped.”

Authorities are concerned Depp's stance (if accepted within the trial) may set a precedence for fictional worlds and characters impacting the common law. The primary concern will be the opening of countless cases against not only Captain Jack Sparrow but also various other characters in the Pirates Of The Caribbean universe.

Speaking of celebrities and their dogs, here are some clips from that time Paris Hilton’s dog killed itself in South Park…