Being A Single Dad with Aaron Gocs
"I’m not going to win Dad of the year but as I told the courts, I'll give it a red hot go."
It’s not as if I’m not improving as a parent – in fact the improvement is quite rapid. For example something I've noticed as I progress through my life is the changing nature of what I’m keeping my eyes peeled for as I travel around town. When I was a teenager I looked for street signs to steal or houses to egg – now I’m upset when I can’t find a street because the sign has been stolen and I’d rather just eat eggs. Then when I turned 18 I was on the lookout for pubs and clubs to hang out at, these days my eyes are open for the best playgrounds I can find (nothing suss). See the single parent is on an endless search for the perfect playground, the right setup of swings, slides and see-saws means you might finally get a spare few minutes to catch up on last weeks footy results. You have to make sure to find the perfect table to sit at though, close enough that you can supervise, but just far enough away that they expect you to watch. “Look at me dad, I’m doing the thing on this equipment that it was designed to be done on” ...“yeah mate, I clocked that years ago”.
"...it’s hard to tell them to tidy up their school uniform when most of my clothes have gravy stains on them."
I try to take them to parks heaps because I don’t want them ending up like me. I worry about their future – society is changing all the time, there may not even be a competitive eating circuit when they're grown up! It’s so hard to peel them away from the TV, once they start watching they become like zombies who won’t even acknowledge me when I speak to them. The alternative isn’t great either... when they're so hyperactive and won’t keep still. I can’t really blame fizzy drinks either, because usually it’s me having a creaming soda spider. I suppose at least when they're hyperactive there's a good chance of them getting tired and going to bed early, finally giving me a chance to have the remote. Of course by then anything decent has probably finished... I’m starting to become an expert on the embarrassing bodies of England since that always seems to come on. Speaking of which, what’s going on there? I’m sure there are embarrassing bodies all over the world, but the English in particular like to get in front of the camera and let everybody know about theirs. Give me a camera and I'll show them an embarrassing body. We beat the poms in the cricket and I'll help us beat them in the dud rig contest.
Despite all of this, I do love my kids more than anything else and focusing on keeping them on track is a good excuse as to why I haven’t been able to sort my own life out properly. I look forward to raising them in the next few years as they grow while my collection of gravy stains grows.
Aaron Gocs is a comedian who enjoys a good feed, good jokes and the occasional stitch up.
Illustrations by Cyrus Bezyan.
Jordan Klepper Is Launching His Own Late Night Talk Show
You read right, another late night show is coming to Comedy Central...
Comedy Central Launches New Late Night Weekly Show: The President Show
Donald J. Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) has been given his own show… straight from the Oval Office.
Suburban Life vs. Inner City Living with Aaron Gocs
Comedian Aaron Gocs gives his verdict on Suburbs vs. The Inner City. Because deciding which one is better, is like comparing chicken and chips.
FRESH: The Daily Show Announces Real Life Donald Trump Presidential Twitter Library
The Twitter Library will open in June, and it will be tremendous. It will be the best, the best, greatest most tremendous library.
GALLERY: The Top 10 Frames from The Big Lez Show Season 4, Episode 1
The artwork this season is off the charts. Here are our top 10 fav frames...
FRESH: It’s here, Big Lez Show Season 4, Episode 1...
Sit back and take it in, it’s real skits… no actually.
Comedy Central Announce New Weekly Jim Jeffries Show
Comedy Central are bringing more Jim Jeffries to your screens with a brand new weekly show.
FRESH: Another Skitz Trailer from The Big Lez Show Season 4 is Out!
Ring your dealers; season 4 of The Big Lez Show is fast approaching…
Comedy Central Potato Gems: Charlie The Unicorn
As part of our commitment to quality comedy content, we’ve taken some potato gems out of the oven aka. dug up some old school YouTube hits.
3 Legends of Comedy Deal with Hecklers
Check out three legends of the game take on hostile audiences and lone wolf while doing what they do best.
FRESH: The Big Lez Show release Season 4 Trailer
Those skitz boys have something new brewin’
The Daily Show Wrap-Up: Here's What Happened In January 2017
Maybe you've been living under a rock, or maybe you just wish you were. Either way, let's look back on the past month and try to figure out what happened.