Trump Promises Wall To Keep Pokémon In - Japan And Mexico Will Pay For It

With Pokémon Go destroying friendships and liberating nerds around the world, Donald Trump has weighed in with an all too familiar proposal.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016 - 18:21

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Pokémon Go has taken the world by storm. Whether you’ve played it or not, you’ve probably seen the zombie hordes. And now, politicians have weighed in, specifically one Donald J. Trump… who has promised to build a wall around the US to make sure none of the Pokémon that people so desperately want can escape.

Mr Trump laid out his plan for the wall, claiming it will increase American’s chances of catching them all. More importantly however, Mr Trump has assured tax payers the wall will be paid for by the Japanese (since they invented Pokémon) and Mexico (because they’re already paying for that other wall.)

Speaking of that other wall, critics have already asked Mr Trump why he’s building two walls as well as the more obvious question: Why even build a wall when the Pokémon in Pokémon Go aren’t tangible.

Mr Trump considered such questions from reporters during a press conference and had this to say:

I gotta tell ya, I’ve done phenomenal business with the Japanese. Very hard working people, very, a lot of them are good friends of mine. But if they wanna do business here in the states, they need to play by our rules. Too many Pokémon are leaving this country and it has to stop.

Pressed further on the issue of the fact that the Pokémon in question are simply code and not tangible. Mr Trump had this to say:

It's a literal wall and a digital firewall, so they won’t be able to escape. We're talking about augmented reality here, half of that is still reality. Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not real.

Mr Trump also reiterated that building two walls is like wearing two condoms. We weren’t entirely sure what to make of that. Mr Trump also mentioned that Pokémon Go had reminded him of the character Brock and that he was glad he remembered Brock and how great he was.

Do you enjoy Pokémon Go? Cool! Maybe take a break from it and watch this sketch from Aunty Donna instead:

Comedy Central writes parody and satire. The above is not real, so put that phone down.