Tony Abbott’s Onion Is Running For Election
The onion that Tony Abbott took a bite from will be contesting the seat of Warringah… Mr Abbott’s current electorate. It’s unclear the platform the onion will run on, but what’s more remarkable is the fact that it’s even able to conduct an election campaign to begin with (given the fact it’s a raw root vegetable with no sentience.)
The brown onion still has the skin on, plus of course a large chunk of it missing from the area the former Prime Minister took a bite from. Comedy Central Fat Cats contacted the farmer who grew the onion and he had this to say:
“Well, last year after that press conference, Abbott put the onion down on a table and we moved on with the rest of the tour. I went back to find it, thought I could possibly encase it in a glass cube and sell it on eBay… but it’d gone missing. A few months later, I got an email from the onion, said it had left the farm and had big plans.”
Some have speculated the onion is running in Abbot’s seat in order to seek revenge . Another explanation could be that the onion may feel the people in the electorate would welcome it because their current member had blessed it.
We reached out to Tony Abbott for comment and Mr Abbot did reply to us, but only with this comment:
“That sure was a tasty onion… skin and all… it didn’t make me cry. I wish it the best of luck in what will hopefully be a competitive race.”
As we approach the election, Comedy Central Fat Cats will look more into the policies and campaign of the brown onion that seems to be taking on the world.
Excited about the election? We aren’t. Sometimes it can be hard to choose who to vote for, so here are some tips from South Park on how to decide between a giant douche and a turd sandwich:
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