Australian Mining Company Promises Not To Enslave Underground Civilisation Of Cave Dwellers
Early last week, mining engineers working for the company Rio Tinto stumbled upon an entrance to what can only be described as an underground city of crab-like creatures that have been living beneath the earth's surface.
Rio Tinto CEO Sam Walsh has assured the public that the civilisation of cave-dwelling creatures have not been converted into labour assets for the company's mining operations.
The civilization are said to be hybrid humanoid-crab creatures that speak a strange language, and seem for the most part to be quite friendly.
Mr Walsh stated:
“These peaceful underground creatures are an amazing species; each crab person has the strength of twelve men… not that that matters.”
The Australian government has sent a team of experts to the site to study the creatures, but controversy has arisen over whether the mine will be shut down. Reports have already surfaced about certain leaders within the civilisation being bought off by Rio Tinto executives.
On further questioning, Mr Walsh continued to insist that Rio Tinto were not planning on enslaving the creatures.
“They possess a superior ability to explore deep underground and establish systems which would greatly enhance our capacity to discover new mining sites...again, not that that matters.”
Rio Tinto’s share price jumped 12% in one day after the announcement; with many analysts claiming the companies labour and R&D costs would be slashed drastically. However Mr Walsh continued to insist investors not get too excited or start making assumptions about the company's labour costs dropping.
“Let me re-iterate, we will not not be enslaving these intelligent sentient life forms and making them increase our bottom line.”
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